I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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