I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
