One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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