mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i think i just lost a toe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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