She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
