i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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