Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
