apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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