You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
