These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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