You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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