This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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