I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
