Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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