this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
