I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
