I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nutella sex= disaster
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
