I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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