Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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