I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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