respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
