Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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