I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
