I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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