when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
