I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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