I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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