I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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