remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
