so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
