Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
