so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
