And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
