I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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