just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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