you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
