I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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