apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
