Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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