When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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