I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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