Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
