Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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