I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
