On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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