i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
