wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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