I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
