I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
