hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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