I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
