I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
