Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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