...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
