My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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