Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
