Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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