dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
