Christians are straight up FREAKS
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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