i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
