It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
