Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
