Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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