evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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