I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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