i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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