i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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