i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
