Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
