omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
