im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
