I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so let's talk penis.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
