i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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