i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
