I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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