dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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