It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
