i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
