i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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