I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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