He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
zippers are such a cool invention
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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