I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
