He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
