i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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