so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Vodka?
Forever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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