I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
