we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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